Thoughts on motherhood...

I've had such a heavy heart this week. I have been putting off writing this because I didn't know how to wrap my head around everything I was feeling. Tuesday George was at school and Jude was napping. I was in the midst of making my never-ending to-do list, so caught up in details surrounding decorating our house, planning Jude's baptism party and figuring out teacher appreciation gifts. Really important stuff {insert sarcasm} or so I thought. In the midst of all that I casually checked Instagram learning the devastating news about sweet Ryan and Teddy. I'm sure you all in the blogging community are aware of these families and their heartache, but if you're not you can read their stories here and here. I gotta tell you, seeing these pictures fill my feed and learning these families lost their precious little ones just broke my heart. The Lord convicted me right then and there. I put away the planner and just sat there sobbing and praying. Praying comfort for the families. Praying peace for those mommas. Praying forgiveness for being so caught up in the trivial minutia that I allow to consume me. Praying thanks for the gift my two precious boys are that I too often take for granted.

That's the thing. It's so easy as moms to get burned out, tired, and worn down. We so often feel under appreciated that we focus on the negative. The hard days, the lack of patience, the redundancy of bottles, diapers, messes, etc. {speaking as a mom of little ones!}. And as moms it's easy to get caught up in what does not matter. Details of big boy rooms, menus for parties, clever puns for gifts that are just meant to say thanks {see the aforementioned minutia listed above}.

Being a mom truly is the greatest joy and greatest challenge I have ever experienced. I have to say that this week I have really spent some time in prayer reflecting on what it means to be a mom and how I'm doing as a mom. I have come to realize that it doesn't matter what my house looks like or how I entertain. What matters, all that matters, as a mom {for me at least} is asking myself at the end of each day, "Did I show my children love?" and "Did I point them to the Lord?" If I can answer yes to those two questions, then I'm doing something right.

With Mother's Day this weekend, I'm putting aside expectations. Desires for flowers, breakfast in bed, pampering. None of that matters to me. Not going to lie, in the past {as in just a few days ago} it did. I put too many expectations on my husband and my kids. Especially when it comes to holidays. I'd be lying if I said earlier this week I wasn't secretly hoping B would surprise me Sunday with some amazing gift or special treat from the boys and him. But since focusing on these two families this week who have lost their most precious gift, those desires for me seem so silly and completely unimportant. What is important to me is soaking up a little more time each day with my boys. Hugging them a little tighter. Showing them a little more love and patience {at least trying to!}. And having a little more fun each day.

Yesterday a friend sent me this post, "How not to be disappointed this Mother's Day," and I have to say this author so poignantly articulates everything I have been feeling. I would encourage you all to read it, and I would challenge everyone to really reflect on motherhood this weekend. To all of us, whether you are close to your mom or have a woman in your life that has been like a mom, give thanks for her. Recognize her sacrifices, praise her accomplishments and show grace for her shortcomings. And to the moms out there {I'm telling this to myself!}, focus on what Sunday is really about. Embrace the gift that we have been given being moms, and know that it is enough. It is more than enough! If the chocolates and flowers don't appear, and the kids whine all during brunch, just smile and know that is not what matters. It's that we have been given the incredible gift to love and raise a precious child. Happy Mother's Day everyone!